Memories
by KatzillaM
Summary: My first story. Chekov and OC. Scotty finds something he shouldn't have, and the new girl has a break down.


"Oi, laddies! Look at what I found!" Scotty bellowed as he enters the bridge.

_Oh, no. What is he up to now?_ I thought.

"What is it?" asked the captain.

"It's an iPod. From, I'd say, the early 2010's. Found it in the alco… breadbox."

_No. This is bad. I should've found a better hiding spot. Leave it to Scotty to find it in the _locked _alcohol cabinet. It took me days to break the combo. Shit. Just, don't play any music._

"Well, what are you waiting for?" asked Kirk. "Play something!"

The Scotsman selected a song, and music flooded the bridge. _Not _that _song. _Anything _but that song. _Memories rang in my ears.

_Oh, memories,_

_Where'd you go?_

_You're all I've ever known._

A single tear slid down my face.

_How I miss yesterday_

_And how I let it fade away_

Another tear. I scoot my chair back to leave. I hear ensign Chekov, to my left. "Mees Marr, are you okay?"

"I… I'm fine." I try to sound under control as I sit back down in my chair.

"Are you sure? Ewryone looks to be hawing a good time, essept for Meester Spock, of course."

He whispers the last part, and attempt at a joke. I manage a smile. If anyone could get me to smile, it would be him: Pavel Andreievich Chekov.

"Of course." The tears come back. I can't help it. I sit for a moment in silence, listening as the song comes to a close.

"What an amazing invention, eh?" Scotty inquired.

"Indeed." _Oh, great, now Spock is talking._ "Steve Jobs made great advances in computer technology."

"How about another song?" urged the captain.

"Here, you pick one." Scotty tossed the iPod to Kirk. It landed face-down in his palm. _Oh, no. He'll figure me out. Please don't look. Oh, please. DON'T LOOK._

He squinted at the back of the iPod, then with a confused expression, looked at me. _He knows. I'm done for. Four and a half months on this ship, this wonderful place, my _home_, all destroyed by a stupid iPod. _

I turn back to my station. I try to blink back more tears. I silently whisper "No… no. Not now. Not now." My shift is over soon. Five minutes.

"Are you sure?" I hear that persistent, concerned Russian accent. "You seem to be… saddened by somezing."

"I'm fine." My voice wavers. "I just… I'm just worried about my family." _Liar. You can't be worried about something you don't have._

A new song starts. Move Along. I wish I could.

"Your family? Vat is wrong vith them?"

"I don't really want to talk about it right now, Chekov. Sorry." I can see the concern in his face when I politely refuse to talk. I feel bad, but I just can't tell anyone yet. Except for the captain; I'll have to tell him now that he is suspicious.

"It is okay. You can talk to me anytime." Kind Pavel. I have to tell him. I can see that he wants to know me better; I have been a tad reserved even since I entered Starfleet, just before Pavel graduated.

_When all you've got to keep is strong,_

_Move along, move along, like I know ya do._

"Thanks." I give his hand a brief squeeze, then continue my work. Time drags by. Who know that three minutes could last three hours?

Finally, after what seemed like ages, our shift on the bridge ends. I quickly get up and leave the bridge. I can hear behind me someone getting up. Chekov. He's still worried about me. As I pass the captain's chair, I can feel eyes on me. Captain Kirk must realize my emotional state because he says nothing as I pass by, eyes following me out of the room. I can expect a conference with him later.

I walk down the hallway toward my quarters. I still hear Pavel's soft footsteps behind me. I enter my room. Finally.

"Rae." Pavel's voice floats around the room, landing in my ears. "Tell me vat is wrong."

I stare up at him with sad, pleading eyes. The young, handsome navigator walks over, and leads me to sit on the edge of the bed, next to him.

"Please, Rae. I vant to help you. I, I… love you." He grabs my chin as those last two words flow from his mouth, and stares at me with the most beautifully honest, caring, loving eyes I've ever known.

I just stare back at him a while, soaking it all in, getting lost in his trusting blue eyes. He moves his hand to my jaw line, and strokes his thumb along my cheek, wiping away a tear. I place my hand over his, and bring it down to rest in my lap. He holds my hands in his, and says nothing. I know I have to tell him. I gather all my strength, take a breath, and tell him what happened all those years ago.

I tell him about how all my life, I never fit in. My interests in science, and space, and the unknown. Discovering new things. The biology of other planets, in other galaxies, all the way across the universe. Nobody ever understood that.

"So that's when it started. I wanted to create a time machine. It took about a year of trial and error, but I had finally gotten a testable version. I had finally gotten it right. Hopefully." I took in another breath, preparing myself for what I knew was coming. For what I had been avoiding for years. Pavel sat next to me, listening intently. He moved one hand from mine to guide his arm around my shoulder.

"I set up the time machine in the empty shed behind the house. We lived far out in the country, so there wasn't really anything to be careful of. I thought my parents had taken my brother to town to get a present for one of his friends. So, I set up my time machine, sat down in the protective pod, which was damn near strong enough to protect me from the nuclear holocaust, and I flipped the switch." I was talking through tears now, the taste of salt covering my tongue. "I heard a soft humming sound, then a spark, a clank and then an explosion." The tears were flowing freely now, and I began to sob.

Pavel grasped me in his arms now, a warm, loving embrace. He kissed the top of my head and gently rocked back and forth. We were both content to just sit there a while, the two of us, alone. It was… peaceful. Something that I hadn't believed existed. Pavel was full of that; new, kind, wonderful things that I had never known. I seemed at home when I was with him. I felt safe when I was with him. Even just on a slow, lazy day on the bridge, or getting attacked, or even getting a new look at an unknown planet; if Pavel was there, I was home. I was safe.

An image suddenly flooded my mind. I'm in a strange, translucent blue orb, I can hear a motor humming, and then I see sparks. I grab Pavel tighter, closer to me. I bury my face in his shoulder, wanting the memory to go away. I hear a loud _crash_, the fire everywhere. An explosion. The house. Within seconds the place I had called home was engulfed by flames and smoke. Little did I know that my family had gotten back sooner than expected.

I open my eyes, and I am rushed back into reality. I'm in my room, locked in the embrace of the Russian navigator of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

"I had expected the machine to work. I should have known that something would go wrong. My family had gotten home early. They were inside the house, Pavel. I killed them. My own family. I was protected by the pod, but the explosion was huge. It swallowed the house. That was the last thing I saw before I blacked out. I woke up inside the pod, among the remains of my house and shed. It was dark, and slightly raining. The time machine was smoking next to me. I got out, and when I stood, I saw our car parked out under the singed tree. They were here. They were dead. I was still in shock, I didn't even cry. I felt no emotion." I began to cry again.

Pavel spoke up. "Its okay, Rae. You are here now, vith me." I give him an acknowledging squeeze.

"There was nothing I could do, so I did what I had to do. Start over. I dig through the remains of our house, hopping that somehow, the safes had made it through the explosion. They had." I told Pavel how I gathered my belongings from my safe, the things I had packed to bring with me to the future: clothing, a backpack full of camping gear and food, my iPod, and a photograph of my family on a camping trip. I took all $4,000 from our house safe, and put it in my backpack.

It was getting late; Pavel should have left at least an hour ago. Yet here he was, by my side, comforting me and listening to me. It was a strange feeling; it felt like Pavel loved me so much, he could obliterate the past. We could do anything.

"I knew that there was an abandoned house a few miles down the road from where I lived. They had moved away a few months before, so it was still in good condition. So I settled in to the house, and that's where I lived until I finished my time machine. I woke up the next day, and made a small breakfast. That's when it hit me. That was when I realized that my family was gone. There was nobody. Nobody who cares about, nobody to love Rae Ayrn Marr. No one." Another tear rolls down my face. Pavel leans down and gently kisses my forehead.

"I do."

That's all I needed to hear. Those two small words gave me strength. They ring in my ears every time that I am feeling sad, or angry, or hurt, or confused, or frustrated. Those words give me hope, something to live and die for. Something to work for each and every day. Those words give me more than anything or anyone ever had. All I could muster was a simple "Thanks."

But somehow I knew that he understood me, and everything that I wanted to say and all the words whirling around in my head. He knew. And as we locked eyes, I felt a click, somewhere far in the back of my head, a dusty switch flicked on. And as my tear stained face met his warm expression, we both knew that there was an extraordinary bond that connected us, a girl, years in his past, and a boy, decades into her future.


End file.
